maryrose3's Journal

5:04pm: We're Friends Again!!!!!
And anyone who was ever a regular reader of this journal knows who I'm talking about.  I still won't mention names.  It actually happened last year but that was when I was for want of a better word in exile from LJ.  Being back now, it's about time to post this.  It's worth posting.

I never thought it would ever happen, as anyone who slogged through my pity posts can easily discern.  But apparently a post a made on Facebook about the real meaning of Memorial Day resonated and she reached out to me with forgiveness.

As you can imagine I was so shocked you could have knocked me over with a feather.  I was happy, of course and eagerly renewed the friendship.  Or whatever.  I'm not sure there's a name for what I did, since I really didn't do anything but react in a positive manner to her being willing to be friends with me again.  So, we are.

I confess to some worry about me doing something stupid again because I know the breach would be permanent this time if I did something.  I am trying not to and so far so good.  I mean, I'm me, but since this is important to me I will make the effort. 

Yeah, I'm going to address the fic thing.  It was the catalyst for everything so I kind of have to.  I still care about the fic and wish it would get finished.  I always will.  But since I know it won't, I will no longer be a bitch about it.  I know, what readers I have are shocked, right?  I was too when I came to realize this.  

But things are what they are, and in the long run, people are more important than fic.

I DID NOT JUST SAY THAT AND I WILL DENY! DENY! DENY!     hehehehehehehe 

4:49pm: Beka Day
So, it's a day late but I didn't forget.  I'm glad I started posting here again in time for this. 

It was a good one.  Fred and I went out for Mexican.  It was my choice and that's what I picked.  

I hope to start updating my fics again too.  After all, I'm a big believer in finishing what you start.. It's just now I'm working on original stuff.

Anyway, that's all for now.      

9:58pm: I'm Back
I can hardly believe it's been months since I used this journal.  I used to be so devoted, too.  I have things I want to say but I'm too tired right now.  I just wanted an entry for the new year, since I haven't written in this since last year.  Anyway, to anyone still interested, I do hope to post more. 

9:21pm: Fan Fic
Haven't done an entry about it in so long.  I'll do one now, even though no one cares.  Oh, well.  I do and that's what matters.

While it is really nice that the CA section of ff,net is now active, I still pine for Beka fic.  And yes, I've gotta say it or I wouldn't be me.  I still pine for the stuff that was written especially for me that will never be finished.  While I get the reasons for it, I'm still pissed and sad about it.  Although I think I'm finally over the lost friendship with the person.  After all, I did everything I could think of to try to make things right.  Nothing was working.  It was clear that no matter how much I did it was never going to be enough.  I didn't need the aggravation.

I'm doing more working on original stuff but I will never give up fanfiction.  Why should I?  It's important and I enjoy it.  Maybe even the story conclusions are floating around in the cosmos somewhere and I'll find them after I'm dead and are a ghost or something. I'm talking about the unfinished fics for me.  Because fiction takes on a life of its own, apart from the writer, doesn't it?  Oh, well.  Maybe not.  But one can always hope, can't one?  


The Cove is dead.  It's only me and Fred now.  I seriously thought about not posting that here because I didn't want it to seem I was begging people and compelling them to go post.  But then I remembered, nobody reads this journal anymore, anyhow. hehehehehehe  Plus, I have no power to make people post.  


Ex Isle is still the same.  I need to work on an update soon.  Because Fred still cares about my Beka fic, even if no one else does.  He cares about my Kris fic too.  I started one of those.  I should work on it some more.  I may be able to get readers for it in the CA section, although I'm not counting on it.

The days when I counted on reviews are gone for good.  But I might still get some.  I got some new reviews for' Relapse.'  So, maybe all is not lost.  

8:36pm: Let's Celebrate
The rat bastard got what he deserved, thanks to our brave armed forces.    Woohooo!!!!   God Bless America!!!!!

9:04pm: I'm Feeling Sad
I know I still have to do fics for that meme.  I haven't forgotten.  But as the entry says, I'm just not feeling up to it.

Fred and I still haven't had a honeymoon, for various reasons I've gone into elsewhere.  I'm starting to feel like we never will. 

I want to be positive.  I try and I know it's good thing.  Just sometimes it's hard. 

Losing the T.A.R.D.I.S. was a big blow.  Fred's work difficulties are hard.  Will it ever get better for us?  Does God even care?  Are we up shit's creek without a paddle? 

There isn't even any Beka fic I can lose myself in.  I think I'm the only active writer left.  And I haven't updated in forever.  I should do something about that, I know.  But reading my own fics isn't the same.

But it's not going to change.  So, whatever. 

At least there is new Charlie's Angels stuff.  I'm quite surprised.  A lot of it features Kris, which is very cool.   

2:45pm: Beka Day
Happy Beka Day to anyone who is still reading.

People aren't as much into it anymore.  That does make me sad.  Still Fred and I remain as devoted as ever.  And I got a great idea on maybe how to make my Beka writers LJ community more active.  It would involve changing the name to Andromeda writers and expanding for fans of the other characters to play.  So, thank you R.V. aka Ascendant Angel for your great idea.

6:01pm: The Death Of The T.A.R.D.I.S.
No, I don't mean the Dr Who one.  I'm talking about Fred's car, which is named after it.

Back in August he was rear ended by some chick who apparently didn't see him.  He was waiting to make a turn onto the street that borders ours with his turn signal on.  Yes, he was almost home.  Anyway, he did nothing wrong and was found to be not at fault. 

But he was hurt and his car was declared a loss.  We saw it and it didn't look that bad to us.  But the guy from the place where it was towed said if it had frame damage then it might not be salvageable.  Guess that's what it was because the insurance company does what is cheapest and it apparently wasn't worth it to fix a ten year old car.

Fred got a personal injury lawyer who is handling things. 

We are grateful that he wasn't killed or more seriously hurt.  But we both feel the loss of the car deeply.  If we had to lose the car or Fred, I'm glad Fred was saved.  But it does hurt.

We both said a tearful good-bye once we got the news.  For now, we are making due with my car. 

But we had so many memories with that car.  Fred loved it so.  I don't love the Maru nearly as much and wish it had been my car instead.  

But I believe that that car was loved so much it was made real, like in the Velveteen Rabbit.  And I know it will be waiting for us on the other side.  We'll drive it again. 

Writing this has dragged it all up again and I'm crying.  But the T.A.R.D.I.S deserved this tribute so I'm writing it.

9:35pm: I Got an Answer!!!!!
So, one of the people who volunteered for Around The Isle and for which I extended to three days in December actually answered!!!!  He apologized and said it was a busy week.

I don't care.  I'm beyond happy to get an answer.  I wasn't snubbed by him!!!  Yay!!!!

See, in the interest of fairness, I will post when I am mistaken.  It's possible others may yet answer their threads.  If that happens I will post here since I'm not afraid to admit when I'm wrong.  So, mea culpa.  

As angry as I was, that's how happy I am now. 

I'm nothing if not extreme in my feelings, huh?  *laugh*

2:08pm: Still Angry
One of the persons even asked about his question threads and I mentioned that there was one in fanfic for him.  It's still got zero replies.


Tell me again why people bother to volunteer for something if they don't want to do it?  Tell me again why I bothered to post three threads for three days in December if the people weren't going to answer?

As I said, one was loaded.  The other two weren't. 

They aren't hard to find.  I suppose I'm taking this too personally.  Well, so what?  It's how I feel and I have every right to feel the way I feel..

On the plus side, it got me to update this journal that no one reads anymore. *laughs*  Well, I still do. 

3:33pm: Around The Isle
It was a thing on Ex Isle whereby mods who volunteered, would ask forum related questions to members who signed up.  Different people on different days for the month of November. 

Most people who signed up, did in fact, come to fanfiction to answer my questions.  Believe me, it wasn't easy to think of different questions every day.  I think I might have accidentally skipped someone.  But I signed up and so I sucked it up and did it.

But I was snubbed  by various people, although in one thread, the question was answered by someone else.  I even asked questions three days into December to accommodate three volunteers.  Guess what?  Yep.  I was snubbed by them too.

One person I didn't actually expect an answer since the question was loaded.  In fact, when I told Fred about it, he groaned and asked why did you do that?  Because I'm me and yeah, I'll stir the shit.  Not that it got stirred because it was ignored.

But the other two were not loaded at all.  No history or animosity there.   So, why would you volunteer for something and not do it? 

Well, lesson learned.  This was a great idea but poorly executed.  Mods who signed up went I don't know the person, what can I ask?  Members who signed up didn't bother to answer questions.  I think I will bow out if this is attempted again next year.  Don't need to be snubbed again and how fanfiction isn't cared about there anymore.

Well, I still care about it.  Of course, if that change goes through then I'll have to stop posting my stories there altogether.  No, I don't want feedback to my stories going into a separate sub forum, thank you.  I want the comments in my actual story threads. 

11:58pm: Thanksgiving
Went to my mom's.  Had a fight with her.  Said I wouldn't come for Christmas.  I probably will, though, if we make up before then.  We probably will.  Not right now, though.  I'm enjoying being on the outs with her right now.  She leaves me alone when we're not speaking and I do enjoy not having her call all the time.  Although to be fair, she is trying to be less clingy and annoying.

7:35pm: One Month Missed
Can't believe I missed posting an entry last month.  Haven't ever done that before in all the years I've had this journal.  Damn Facebook!!!!


Anyway, I am aware I've still got ficlets to post for the meme thing.  I'm trying to come up with ideas. 

I hope to get around to a longer entry later.

6:22pm: From Fandom Memes
My first time trying.




The Illness/Injury Meme, because I have a stupid fascination. >.> Give me a fandom, character/pairing/set of siblings or platonic friends, and I'll write you a bit of fic in which there is, well, illness or injury. Please warn me if you have any medical squicks!


For reference my fandoms are

Andromeda   Well Duh!!!!!

Beauty and the Beast   I can't actually write in this fandom because I'm not good enough.  I did try but the result sucked and I never finished.  

Charlie's Angels   I can write in this one and my muse has recently returned for this fandom, which makes me happy

Cold Case   Never written in this fandom but I'll give it a shot. 

Forever Knight   I can do this fandom and have. 

  Friday the Thirteenth The series  Done one fic that was a self insert. 

Adding in Gilligan's Island because I did a crossover fic with it.

Josie and the Pussycats/ in Outer Space   Either cartoon is fine.  I adore them both but outer space has a special place in my heart because of BLEEP!!!!!!!!

Laverne  and Shirley   Never done this one but I think I could do an O.K job.

Land of the Lost  The original 70's TV show.  I hope I could do it justice.

Mork and Mindy  Never done it but oh, well.

Sigmund and the Sea Monsters   Never done it but I'd give it a whirl. 

Xena Warrior Princess    I've done one story.  Guess I could do another.

I don't actually expect any takers since I'm not sure anyone even reads this journal anymore.  But I loved the meme so I had to post.

10:41pm: My Birthday
It was actually nice. even though there was no Beka fic or updates to be had. *sad face*  But I had a good day anyway.  It fell on a Sunday so Fred and I got to spend the day together. 

We had lunch at Panera Bread, then off to the Book Barn, a great used bookstore that I've mentioned before.  We spent some time there and at its two satellite stores.  Then supper at Taco Bell.

I would have liked it to be sunnier but all in all, not a bad day.

10:31pm: Titanic
Fred and I went to the Titanic exhibit at Foxwoods.  We enjoyed it.  Sad, of course.

They give you a boarding pass of a passenger at the start and you don't find out till the end if you live or die.  I lived, Fred died.  We weren't given a married couple's boarding pass.  By that, I mean our passengers weren't married to each other.  I was still sad that Fred died, though.

11:17pm: Cold Case, Christina, Lilly. Scotty
I don't think anyone who still reads this journal actually watches Cold Case, but I'm warning for spoilers, anyway. I have spoiled in this journal in the past and I felt bad about it. So, I don't want to take any chances. So, now that you've been warned, on we go.


First of all, this might be the series finale. It's on the chopping block again. That is CBS' fault. Bastards. Why don't you switch it to another night and keep it there where people can find it? I'm hoping it's just the season finale, though.

And wow!!!! What an episode!!!! Christina is back. Most of the fandom hates her. I think I'm one of the few people who actually likes her. No, I don't think that loving Lilly means I have to hate Chris. I never excused her shitty behavior. I just like people who aren't perfect because I relate since I'm sure not perfect.

Anyway, she came back and wanted to reconcile with Lilly. Lil wasn't interested. Chris neglected to mention that she's hooked on pills. Scotty knew it, though, due to his narcotics experience. He recognized the signs when she talked to him.

Anyway, Lil had a change of heart and went to see her sister at the flop house she was staying at. Except she wasn't there. She'd been abducted by her abusive boyfriend.

So, Lilly calls Scotty for help in tracking her down. They start working the case and in the course of things Lil finds out about her sister's addiction. An argument ensues. But they soon get back to the business at hand and eventually Lilly will apologize. I'm not a L/S shipper but I do think they have a real friendship that I quite enjoy. And their pissing contest from the first time Chris showed up was fun.

Anyway, they do track down one of the guys involved with the abusive boyfriend. They track him to his house and taser him as he unlocks the door. Then they demand to know Chris' whereabouts. He doesn't know but they do get something out of him that helps them find out who the boyfriend is and where he lives.

So they go there and break in to the apartment. It's dark and they are looking around when Lilly spots a light shining from under the crack of a closed door. They approach. Lilly is afraid she's going to find Chris' body in there. It's not stated in the show but since it's what I was afraid of it's plausible that Lil was too.

Anyway, they do find her in there.  She's battered but alive.  Yay!!!!  Cue some wonderful Lil Chris interaction.  Scotty picks Chris up and they are leaving, Lilly right behind them when a baby cries.  Lilly goes into another room and finds the baby.  Chris has a daughter. 

But the abusive boyfriend wakes up and tries to stop them leaving by pointing a gun at Chris and Scotty.  Lil comes up behind him and proceeds to beat him up.  She almost shoots him but Scotty talks her out of it. 

The last scene is of them all in a car, driving home.  It's a tender scene.  Scotty is driving.  Lilly is in the back holding the baby.  Chris is sleeping next to her with her head on her shoulder.  Lil touches her sister.  Awww!!!!

I don't write CC fanfiction but this episode makes me want to.  I have an idea.  I'd have some stuff to work out that the show is free to skip over but I'm not.  If I want to write a fanfic dealing with this I have to work out the logistics.  I'm not sure I can.  Guess we'll see what happens. 

10:45pm: Goodbye, Charlie Goodbye, Blake
I didn't write an entry on the day it happened but I did want to write one. So, here it is.

John Forsythe died. He was 92. I had no idea he was that old. I knew he wasn't young when he was Charlie Townsend and then Blake Carrington but you know.

I remember when I was a kid and my mom woke me up one night to show me an old movie of his. I was so excited to finally know what Charlie looked like. *grins*

10:34pm: So Beka Day
I enjoyed it. I always do but I think it's dying out. There was no fic posted in the thread this year. I know I can't really talk since I didn't have fic either. I had an idea but I never got around to writing it. I'm hoping to do it next year.

But I'm guessing the whole idea is dying. Does anybody but me even care about it anymore? I know Fred does. I posted a Lisa Ryder birthday thread on her birthday and got no responses except for the guy who always posts in birthday threads so his posting meant jack shit because it's an automated thing for him. In the past people would post in the thread. It was another place for Bekaneers to gather and have fun. Not this year. I'm not going to bother next year.

The Cove was posted in but not the Beka Day thread itself. So all this tells me that the love is gone for most people. Which is fine. I don't need others to celebrate my love for Beka every year. Was nice, though.

11:15pm: Beka Day!!!!!!!
Happy Beka Day!!!!! More detailed report to follow.

11:16pm: Christmas And New Years
Christmas wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, even though we had to go to my mother's. Still would have rather stayed home, made it a jammie day and played Facebook games all day. But what are you going to do?

New Years was better. We went to the party we go to every year in the church basement. It was fun.

5:49pm: Halloween And Thanksgiving Report
Late, but better late than never, as they say.

Halloween sucked. It was raining so there were hardly any trick or treaters. Nobody really old enough for me to jump out and scare with my pink wig and Jason mask. I'd never do that to little kids. Although one dad did see my pink wig and asked me to put it on. So, I did. That made me feel good.

I watched some scary movies, as I always do. Finally saw the original Night of the Living Dead. That made me jump a couple pf places. It was surprisingly freaky for a 1968 low budget film. There wasn't much to the special effects, but the story was good. Hated the ending, though. It sucked.

Oh, by the way are you listening, Sorbo? Of course not. Because Andromeda wasn't fine just they way it was; it needed more special effects and it had to be dumbed down. Yeah, asshole, I followed it fine before the changes. Then it just got stupid, with the Dylan as messiah complex. Luckily, that's not my cannon and never will be, so the real Dylan is out there somewhere with Beka, his true love trying to do his best and not always succeeding. *happy sigh*

Thanksgiving wasn't as bad as I thought. We went over my mom's. I didn't want to. I never want to, but we did and it went O.K.

We have to go over for Christmas to. I'd really rather not. But what can you do? Well, when I phoned back to confirm we were coming, it turns out she forgot she invited us. FUCK!!!!!! You mean we could have gotten out of it and been able to just stay home. FUCK!!!!! But my brother is coming, so I should probably go to see him. It'll be nice. Besides, maybe next year she'll forget again and we can just stay home.

I'm serious. My ideal Christmas Day would be Fred and I staying home in our pajamas all day, playing on the computer. Assuming the games don't have issues. Facebook is fine; it's the games I can't get into. But, yeah, I love jammie days and Christmas is an ideal day for them. And I do hate getting out of my warm cocoon of blankets in the morning.

On the other hand, if we lived someplace warm, where I could get a tan, I wouldn't mind spending the day at a beach or park somewhere. We could bring the laptop along and take turns doing our games. I'm dreaming of a green Christmas. Just like the ones I never knew. Fred laughs every time I sing that. But it's so true. I fucking hate snow, ice and the cold. I should filk that song. I haven't done any filking in years. I've already go the chorus.

But I'm stuck in New England. Oh, well. At least I'm still a loner. I'd been afraid that that part of me had died, since, you know, given the choice between being alone and spending time with Fred, I pick spending time with him. That does suck, since I loved being a loner and all that. But I don't fall apart when he's not around and am perfectly fine by myself. So, I'm still me. Whew!!!


Yes, I did bitch to him about hating him for making me fall in love with him and making me less of a loner. He never seemed all that sorry. Bastard! *laughs* On the other hand, he acknowledged that I'm the only one who would say that and actually mean it. Not a common sentiment. Well, we all know I'm not common. I'm not like other people. I'm bat shit fucking crazy and I love it!!!!!!!!

6:13pm: Let's Rant About Taylor Swift
Or more specifically one of her songs. Not the song, exactly. I like the song. But the video that goes with it has got my hackles up. My outrage!!!! Let me show you it.


It's about a girl who likes a guy who's got a girlfriend. Yes, love triangles in songs. Been there since time immemorial. Nothing new there. Girlfriend is a cheerleader. A friend of mine objected to the characterization of cheerleaders when discussing this video. Fair enough. Not all cheerleaders are evil bitches. I lived next door to a nice one. But for the most part, my experiences with them were, yes, yes, they are.

Anyway, on to what I object to. In the video the girl who wants the guy is Taylor Swift. And in the video she wears glasses. I was surprised, since the general attitude of Hollywood and the world at large seems to be Glasses !!!!! Ewwww!!!!! As a person who proudly wears glasses, I can't tell you how much that attitude pisses me off. Oh, I guess I just did.

So, I'm happy that glasses are being portrayed in a positive light. Except. Hold the fucking phone!!!! At the end she's all dolled up and gets the guy. And, sure enough, her glasses are gone!!!!!

Because of course, you can never be at all attractive if you wear glasses. You have to ditch them in order to get anyone to love you. Glasses are a horrible burden to bear and no one could ever possibly enjoy wearing them.

Fuck that!!!!! Fuck that attitude up the ass with a rusty chainsaw!!!! Great imagery, huh? *laughs*


I am so sick of that attitude. I have worn glasses since I was three. Yes, my first pair was an ugly brown. My mom picked those out. At six I chose my second pair and they were pink and pretty. I've been picking out pink and pretty ever since.

I was offered contacts as a teen. I turned them down. Plastic pieces directly on my eyeballs. I think not!!!!! I enjoy being able to see and I don't think glasses are hideously ugly. I like the way I look in them.


I wore glasses on my wedding day. I think I looked rather good. My glasses are as much a part of me as any of my body parts. To not wear them on the most important day of my life would have been to deny an essential part of who I am. I don't play that game.

10:27pm: Fanfiction Again
I haven't bitched about fanfiction in quite a while and I think it's time to. This is basically a rant. However, I really don't want to hurt any friend's feelings as I did the last time I ranted. With that in mind, I'm going to do my best to rant without saying hurtful things. I don't know if I'll succeed but I will try.


Bumping fanfiction threads. Nothing inherently wrong with this. I've done it myself and I've done it for others. They've done it for me. But the bumping of older fanfiction threads without having an update for the story is something that really bugs me.

I'm not talking about story threads that others bump and the author replies to. That's cool. I'm talking about seemingly endless bumping of threads just to say you don't have an update. How fair is that to your readers? You get their hopes up that this seemingly abandoned story has been updated, only to find it's just the author saying no update for whatever reason. Why don't people just leave the thread alone till they actually have an update? If they ever do. I take people saying they'll update with a grain of salt these days because they never do.

Admittedly, I'm very biased when it comes to this particular issue because of the great fic blowup. Yes, I had my part in that. I know and admit it. Felt guilty about it for the longest time. Actually tried to make up for it, till I finally woke up and realized that was a waste of time and stopped.

But the protestations of guilt and feeling bad over it from the other person involved in the fic blowup and the bumpers of threads just ring hollow to me. I mean, how guilty could you feel if you don't actually update?

Before anyone says anything about real life coming first, I know that. I get that there are issues. But, if you started posting a fic in public, you obviously wanted readers. So, at the very least, couldn't you on one of your days off, take some time and actually update? Something for the readers. I mean, if you actually care about them and aren't just blowing smoke.

Fred and I figured out that on average, I only update about once every six months. Still, that's a regular schedule. I actually care about the few readers I have. And I did actually finish a fic, not all that long ago. So, that is something. You know that I'll finish. I won't leave anyone hanging. That's a shitty thing to do.

Now I've gone and made myself sad over the fic thing. But I often do that. Ah, well. Least I won't have to leave anymore feedback. That's something, I guess.

Oh, and there was a thread on the board I spy on that I would love to respond to, but since it's not my account I can't. I could, however, rant about it here. So, I will. hehehehehehe


So, you're upset that a story you submitted to an archive was rejected because it didn't meet the standards. You admit they have the right to set rules for their sandbox. Credit to you for that. You also admit you are a lazy writer who doesn't want to improve. Maybe you were joking but now I can see why fanfiction has such a poor reputation if that attitude is so common.

It's a hobby. It's just for fun. O.K. But I've never heard anyone who practices other hobbies for fun say it's just for fun so I'll just half ass it. You bake for fun. So, are you going to not care if you use salt instead of sugar? Well, you could, but I bet you if you try to share whatever you made that no one will want it.

Do knitters, for example, say I'm just doing this for fun so I'm not going to give my best effort? Well, one of Fred's sisters put in a lot of effort to learn to knit and as far as I could tell, she practiced a lot so she could improve and get good at it.

So, it really baffles me why in this area you wouldn't want to give it your best effort? No, you may not have an ambition to get published, but if you are going to put your work out there in the public eye, why wouldn't you want it to be the best you are capable of?

9:48pm: Let's Talk About Book Sales
This past weekend the best book sale in our area was held on the Branford green. It was a library sale. I enjoy going and taking Fred. I used to enjoy going to these things all by myself. Then he came along and had to go and make me fall in love with him. Now, if it comes down to a choice between being alone and being with him, I usually pick with him. Oh, my sweet loner personality, where have you gone????? hehehehehehehe

At least I still enjoy being by myself and don't fall apart when he's not around. But I digress.

Anyway, I make it a point to go on the last day. That's bargain day, where you stuff a bag or box with as many books as you can fit and just give whatever you want to the library as a donation. After years of going to these things, I'm very awesome at maximizing space to fit in the most amount of books you can fit in. It's such a high for me. I do it for Fred because he's not as good as me at this. I'm a pro!!!!!! *smiles*

We do need a separate house just for our books. Or a mansion. I'll settle for that. *laughs* Again, paging lotto win.

Would have been nice if it hadn't rained but it was still fun. Sometimes, I can't keep track of what I have and don't have but no big deal if I get a duplicate. At these prices, I even grab books I'm only mildly interested in because I can either sell them to a used bookstore or donate them somewhere. You certainly can't get the haul of books we got for the price we paid at new bookstores.

I can't think of anymore to say right now but I do sing the praises of book sales. And don't be surprised if another entry on this comes up. It may not but it may.